Toilet Humor

Note: Please ignore this post if you are disgusted by adolescent bathroom humor... This post is merely a reflection of daily life at Camp Fallujah

Having traveled the AO quite extensively over my last two deployments, there’s no escaping the fact that Marines and soldiers are some witty, though crude individuals. Just go into any port-o-john (P-O-J) on any camp, anywhere in Iraq and you’ll find the sickest, filthiest, and often times, most bizarre humor you’ll ever read. There’s something about a clean P-O-J wall that cries out to be defiled by Marines and soldiers. I’ve visited hundreds of P-O-J’s since September, all through necessity mind you, and can count on one hand the number of P-O-J’s I’ve seen with nary a joke or remark about another service, a woman, a Marine/Soldier or someone’s genitals. That’s just the way it is, has been, and always will be, as long as Marines and soldiers continue to visit these plastic powder rooms.

I’m convinced the majority of our Marines and soldiers never made it past the fourth grade. Their spelling is atrocious and their sense of humor sophomoric. Regardless, I find myself laughing from time to time as I marvel at their wit and stupidity, rolled into one. It’s not just the male Marines, either – find any P-O-J marked “female only” and you’ll discover an equal amount of comments inside, or so I’ve been told.



I chuckle at the “canteen filling station” remarks and laugh aloud at the scribbled “officer eye wash station” comments. I grin at the arrow pointing downward to the plastic urinal attached to the wall, saying “aim here and win a prize.” In multiple P-O-J’s, “Army/Marine Corps reenlistment papers” is scribed above the toilet paper holder. You’ll always find the crude “Peanuts and Corn - all you can eat special” or remarks about hot fudge Sundays. Most start with an innocuous joke or comment that invariably causes a rippling effect, dozens of budding authors jumping into the fray to add their attempts at humor.



P-O-J’s are a chalkboard for the machismo, a blank slate on which to write a Marine or soldier’s achievements. Nearly every P-O-J has some remark from a Marine or Soldier regarding the superiority of their service, their unit, or squad. Acronyms cover the walls, many pornographic and unrepeatable. Others, like “Marines – Muscles are required, intelligence not expected” are commonplace and have been around for years.



A favorite in Al Asad is the “Ninja–Pirate–Samurai” debate. It’s starting to spread to other locations, as I’ve seen one or two Ninja remarks at Camp Fallujah. You’ll find Ninja, Pirate and Samurai rules or facts adorning the walls of P-O-J’s across the camps, the authors engaging in debate across a spectrum of toilets. You’ll find “Pirate law #4 - Pirates make Ninjas walk the plank” and the comeback, “Ninja rule #12 – when a Pirate sees a Ninja, it is already too late.” The facts, rules and laws are written everywhere, such as “ Samurai fact # 411, Tom Cruise was NOT the last samurai,” and “Pirate Fact # 514 - you spell it AARGH not HARGH, you moron.” Some are pretty random, like “Ninja fact 87 – Ninja’s don’t like gravy and rice”, and “Ninja fact #78 – Orange jump suits don’t make good camouflage.” There are also the oddballs that don’t fit into the standard “Ninja-Pirate-Samurai" rulebook, such as “Midget fact #358-A – hit a midget on the head with a stick – he will turn into 10 gold coins.” Try to figure that one out. An entire blog is devoted to the subject of P-O-J humor. You'll find it at http://latrinelovin.blogspot.com/